• A_norny_mousse@piefed.zipEnglish
    16·
    1 month ago

    and use any leverage you got, emotional or material. (It was both in my case)

    No, seriously, I’d love to know what the “expert” said.

    …

    The article itself is boilerplate advice. Basic stuff: really listen, admit your own mistakes, don’t get angry. Avoid labeling. What’s of course more interesting is why adult children choose to cut ties with their FOX-infested parents. And that article is extremely problematic.

    • rainwall@piefed.socialEnglish
      13·
      1 month ago

      They quoted the same Texas psychologist for both, and lordy does he come off as much more of a far right loon in the latter.

      For context, he blames “victim culture,” “gender ideology,” “therapy” and “tiktok” for estrangement. Pretty clear to see where his biases lie.

      • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz
        8·
        1 month ago

        “Therapy is so bad for the children! It’s turning them against their abusive parents by allowing them to start the process of healing, after which they begin to realize that healing will always be limited to a cycle of progression and regression until they cut out the toxic people who repeatedly sabotage their growth every time they start to show improvement. I’m so tired of this victim culture where the children of abusive parents act like they’re the victims! Why can’t they just take responsibility for their own decisions, such as being born to a particular family, or being neglected and constantly put down by the very people who are supposed to be a source of safety and stability in their lives? When I was their age everyone in the neighborhood’s dads were all war veterans with PTSD who would beat the shit out of us and send us to the store to buy milk and cigarettes. We all turned out fine! Now get off my lawn.”

      • BillCheddar@lemmy.world
        8·
        1 month ago

        All of his arguments boil down to “Keep your kids from finding support and you can keep them on your Boomer Plantation forever!”

    • Passerby6497@lemmy.worldEnglish
      3·
      1 month ago

      L. O. L. That second article has some choice bits. Point 2 is almost good enough to post in its entirety:

      “Someone might see a video on TikTok — ‘I cut off my parents, and I’m much happier now. They were toxic narcissistic boundary crossers. And now I’m great,’” he said. “And people mimic that. Or they think, ‘Oh, this person’s getting a lot of attention.’”

      Kids are going no contact for attention because of social media

      Although he acknowledged that there are no long-term studies that have definitively documented an increase, “that doesn’t mean absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence.”

      Just cuz we don’t have evidence of the thing I’m claiming, that doesn’t mean I’m wrong

      According to Blake, society has shifted away from what he described as a “dignity culture” toward one that places greater value on “victim culture.”

      “So now it’s a race to the bottom,” he said. “If you don’t have enough victim status because of the way you were born, you can create a victim status by suggesting your parents abused you or neglected you … and therefore you have value, a reason to cut them off.”

      And it gets worse… The very next bit

      The expert also pointed to what he described as “therapy culture,” claiming that changing attitudes toward trauma and abuse have influenced how some people view relationships with their parents.

      People are now seeing abuse for what it is, and abusers are mad about it

      “Another justification is, ‘I cut off my parents to protect my mental health’ — and this is a sort of false belief,” he told Fox News Digital. “There is this huge bias that if you’re struggling in your adult life, it must be because your parents did something they shouldn’t or didn’t do something.”

      Yep, we’re just faking being miserable dealing with magat family members how abused and mistreated us from childhood to adulthood. Clearly sticking by them is better for your mental health.

      Blake also raised the issue of “moralized language,” or “therapy words” that get thrown at parents — “such as abuse, toxic, boundaries, narcissists, gaslighting.”

      Yeah, even though he quickly follows it up with legit advice like asking for evidence of the behavior and using ‘I’ instead of ‘you’ or avoiding ‘always’/‘never’ statements, that is a whole color guard of red flags that tell me this dude needs to go fornicate with a cactus before anyone listens to him.

      I’ve had a narcissist parent attempt to try to DARVO my setting boundaries to protect my mental health from her emotional abuse into me being the toxic one because I wouldn’t keep tolerating the cycle of abuse.

      “If you look at the outcomes of the gentle parenting or the permissive parenting that we’ve slipped into, we have the most mentally ill generation in history, the least fit for adulthood,” Blake suggested. “Perhaps we should be learning from our grandparents more than the therapists.”

      Yeah, we should just beat our children till they fall in line, or throw them in an asylum where we don’t have to look at or deal with them. Much better.

      This dude can get entirely fucked.