The same reason I jizz in all the urine cups for drug tests at my job. There’s no way the administration would fire all of us and leave the students high and dry, which is why I believe I’ve never been fired from my job as a middle school janitor despite my addiction to roofie-ing myself on a nightly basis, cuz I got my DNA all up in their urine, but really their urine was in my DNA. A fuck, I got my coat wet. The shit I do for my country.